Failed memory

August 9, 2017

‘Remember’, said the teenage son to his father, pointing at his ailing, stubborn grandfather at the hospital, ‘Remember this moment, your frustration at thatha for being so stubborn and not co-operating with anyone. Remember not to behave this way with us when you get old.’ His father smiled understandably.

20 years later, the distraught son ran around the entire neighbourhood looking for his lost father with mid-stage alzheimer’s.



Ok now don’t cringe at the title yet. Can’t do the ‘These tips can save your marriage – no. 2637 is the best’ nonsense, so have some faith and read on.

These days we read a lot of blogs and articles about the ordeals Indian women have to go through after marriage, especially if they are to live with their in laws. Articles about things that the in laws, the husband, the whole world should do to make her feel comfortable. But hardly anyone talks to a guy, about the simple things he can do that can go a long way in making his life and marriage easier. And no, videos telling guys to forgive the wife if she serves him burnt bread and telling him not to get angry if she takes too much time to get ready don’t help.

Not that guys don’t know their shit at all but here are some of my thoughts based on my personal experiences that I think may come in handy – especially to the newly or about to be wed guy folk –

  1. The first and the most important mistake most guys do is assume that their parents treat their wife the same way they treat their children. But that’s not true. The moment your wife walks into your house through that door, two new people automatically appear. Her in laws. So if your wife complains about certain things about your parents that sound improbable to you, then remember that she is not talking about your parents but her in laws. The sooner you understand this, the better you will be able to handle the frictions.


  1. The initial few days in the new house are very important and set the base for the next few years to come. Try and set the ground rules straight for everybody, boundaries about everybody’s personal spaces. Spend time with your wife and parents together and help them break the ice.


  1. Cooking and house hold chores– the age old drama. If you know your way around your kitchen and do it regularly then good for you. Otherwise try and figure how you can contribute. Divide responsibilities – if you can’t cook, then be in charge of cleaning or running errands while she does the cook. Know that a lot of times your presence is more of a moral support than actual help and it is highly appreciated.


  1. Now let’s talk about the one thing no one talks to guys about. Their guilt. When you see your wife struggling to wake up in the morning to do daily chores and help your parents, you do feel for her, because you get her struggle; like you, she isn’t used to waking up early, doing all the work either. You want to help her, but that’s when the guilt kicks in. What will my parents think? I never helped them all these years and if I do it now just because I have a wife, they will feel bad about it. While this is understandable, I’d suggest get rid of the guilt trip and do what you feel is right. See, parents are complex people. They want to see you take responsibility but hate it when it happens due to an external factor called the wife, because to them it reflects their failure to raise you as a better human. Sounds harsh but it is true.


  1. Sometimes you find yourself unable to understand your wife’s point of view, especially when the topic in hand involves your parents. Try and put yourself in her situation. What if you were living with her parents and went through something like this. She is feeling the exact same thing now.


  1. The most common notion of a married man is his freedom to visit his friends is cut off. I want to call crap on this one. Of course you can and should go meet your friends and hang out with them, but if you think your wife may have a problem with that, discuss it beforehand and set parameters. Also, remember to send a text to her while you are with your friends to check up on her – is she fine, has she eaten etc. It always helps!


  1. Now I m going to say that that might land me in trouble with the women folk. But here goes. Do not pre-empt an apology. The last time it worked was with your parents. It didn’t work with your teachers, or your friends, so it certainly wont work with your wife! I’m not saying don’t apologize at all, accept your mistakes and say sorry, but know how to use the S word wisely.
    Hey, I m gonna be late today, catching up with some friends. Sorry.Hey, I m so sorry I m gonna be late today. Catching up with friends…. 😦

    Get the drift?


  1. I believe that one should keep it as clean as possible with their partners. Lying never helps in the long run. So, if you feel like lying about something to her, figure out why and talk to her about it.


  1. Honeymoon, the sad event that converts a beer drinking, chilling with friends-guy into a mushy, hand holding, wearing colour coordinated dresses and clicking heart shaped selfies with his wife –man. So that when this man comes back to the real world, he transitions into his new -ignoring friends and family- life smoothly! I have come to believe that honeymooning in an exotic location is a waste of money and time. Especially if yours is an arranged marriage and you are yet to find the sweet spot of compatibility. You end up spending half the time trying to figure each other’s comfort and not enjoy the holiday as you would like to. Go on a smaller holiday, get over your awkwardness and then plan your exotic destination vacation 6 months later. You ‘ll definitely enjoy your money’s worth the second time.


  1. If you are already married and reading this, then you have sailed the boat. But if you are about to get married, then this is a very important tip to you. The way you and your bride want the wedding to be and the way your parents want it to be are always different. Luckily for you (and unfortunately for the growth of the society), Indian wedding setup gives the groom a lot of undue advantages. While we wait for the social system to evolve and treat bride and groom equally, make use of this power. Figure out with your bride, the things you guys most definitely don’t want to do and you tell your family to not make it happen. In most cases, the groom has the last word, so yay to both of you. Remember, with great power comes a lot of unwanted problems, so use it wisely.

    This last one is for women mostly. I recently read an article about how Indian women are expected to adjust to the new house in a matter of days and without any guidance, and how they should be given an adjustment phase. While this made so much sense to me, I got to think, don’t men also need one? Its not like they are used to sharing their space and life with someone. Ladies, cut some slack. Give them time to get used to your presence in their life. Work this out together as a team.

Hope these pointers help you. And you can now go ahead and forgive her if she took time to feed you… she only wanted to give you the best of the taste or some crap like that.





I dream big!

October 21, 2013

My friend once heard my famous (well, at least with my friends) Shahrukh Khan and terrorists dream and told me that I dream big! Today as I planned to take a short afternoon nap, I didn’t know that history was gong to repeat itself and I was going to be subject to a life changing dream world experience!
Ok, that was a tad over the top but, this one is easily one of my top 10 favorite dreams! Read on if you have the patience and the courage.

So, I get kidnapped by a group of people in Bombay in broad daylight. They pick me up in a taxi and gag me. They belong to Chota Rajan’s gang. Once inside the taxi, they get a call from Dawood; he talks to me and orders me to do whatever is told by them. The gang hands me a bag and asks me to go to some 5 star-ish hotel in Versova called Renaissance. I do as told.

As I walk towards the hotel I see that another gang is following me. I believe they think I belong to the terrorist gang and are trying to nab me. I hide and escape from them, and enter the hotel.

The gang then asks me to go the top floor janitor room and stay there. I get inside the room and it gets locked instantly. It is one of those doors that can be opened only by swiping an Id card (How I get in without an Id card I don’t know! :P). I go to the room, remember that I had silently sneaked in my phone with me, I ping my friend Nibha and my other Bombay friends on Whatsapp about my situation. I open the bag and see it has a bomb. It is ticking and an hour before it explodes. I quickly assess the situation and see what can be done as I have an hour. I get an idea thanks to my craze of watching Hindi films million times. I bang at the door screaming for help, making excuses that I forgot my Id outside and I m stuck inside. No luck. I am about to try again when the door opens automatically. Some room service guy who heard my screams opens it. I quickly go out and place a rod so that the door doesn’t close automatically. I ask the guy who the security officer in-charge of the hotel is, mumbling that I need to talk to him and that its highly important. He calls the man in charge of hotel security through intercom. The man comes to meet me instantly – a well suited man (although quite hefty to be an officer in-charge). I hand him over the bag. Though I keep telling him its dangerous, he takes it causally. I finally reveal that the bag has a bomb and he almost drops it in a shock. He immediately takes control of the situation and informs police. They get their best experts and diffuse the bomb. But then, I remind them that Dawood wants to hear an explosion, otherwise he’ll open fire on the streets at innocent people. So the bomb squad detonates a smaller harmless bomb for Dawood to hear an explosion on phone. The commissioner takes details of the 5 guys who kidnapped me, gives me his number and leaves.

I leave the hotel too, only to be caught by Zaheer, one of the guys who had kidnapped me. And to my shock I see my friends Nibha and Mohita under his siege. They apparently came down to help me and got caught in the process. We three are walked up to the railway station to go to the Taj Hotel. As we stand in the ticket counters (Me and the girls apparently have to stand in a ladies line) I realize I still have my phone. I carefully take it out and am surprised to see that commissioner uses Whatsapp. I quickly message him that Zaheer is alive (there is a small background story that 3 of them get nabbed though I don’t remember when and how that happens) and he is taking me and my friends to the Taj. I copy paste the messages and send it to my other Bombay friend as well. Just as we are about to buy tickets, a guy from the other gang which was earlier trying to nab me, walks up behind Zaheer with a gun, points it towards us and fires at Mohita, Nibha and me. We collapse immediately on the floor only to see that we were hit by fake bullets. We are still trying to understand what’s happening when he points gun at Zaheer and fires. Zaheer dies instantly. Suddenly there is a commotion and Zaheer’s gang who were waiting outside the ticket counter run to attack the shooter. The man signals us to run and we three girls immediately run away from there even as we get followed. The run chase leads us to a basti where we climb high walls, break open gates and escape into the woods. We continue to run when we see a guy on a bike following right up to us, with a gun in hand. It turns out he is none other than Sunil Grover (Gutthi from Comedy nights!). I beg him to let us go and not kill us, while he laughs menacingly. Just as things get worse and he points his gun at us, he is shot in the head by the police who arrive there on time along with the other gang which was apparently an anti terrorist squad (Zaheer’s shooter belonged to the squad). They traced my location through my phone.

I come back home with laurels and to my ignorant parents who have no clue of the experience I have just been through! The dream ends with me wondering whether or not to post this story on facebook.


The FILMFAIL Awards 2011

March 27, 2012

After a brief hiatus, FILMFAIL is back to rock the house! N I hope it’s gonna be worth the break 😀

As you probably know by now, each year we get together to honour the underdogs (which were thrown to the dogs by critics and public alike); celebrate movies that created furore at the box office; movies that people wish didn’t exist and movies that made people wish they didn’t exist. 2011 was no exception. It gave us umpteen reasons to rejoice. Reasons like

  1. Well, you know, quite obviously, RA. ONE
  2. Do we even care!

So, let the show begin!

As always, let’s start with the Technical Awards.

Best story –

Winner: F.A.L.T.U.

Story lived up to the title.

Best editing –  

Winner: MAUSAM

For an epic drama they made, the movie was quite concise you know, reducing it to just 3 and half hours!

Best choreography –


Visuals had Himesh swaying his head and droning with his customary hat and mike high up in the air, ensuring that he ended up looking like a retard trying to head bang! Good job choreo 😉

Best marketed film –


I bet you didn’t know SRK produced this movie. I bet even he didn’t know that! If only he had taken his time off Ra.One…. well it’s not like this was a great movie anyway, so moving on!

Best special effects –

Winner: HAUNTED 3D

C’mon it has to its credit of being the first Indian 3D movie!

Best action –  


Wellll… it had the best – ahem ahem – action 😉

Moving on to the Music Awards.

Guess who’s back in town? Yes, unfortunately, it’s Himesh. Traitor. I thought he had given up worldly pleasures of appearing in every other music channel with his constipation-friendly songs for a much nobler cause, act in movies. And then we have Bodyguard, his ‘comeback vehicle to music direction’. (Well, at least he didn’t sing, so lucky us) No but really, if not for Damadam, he wouldn’t be getting any awards today!

So Best Playback singer Male/Female and Best Music Director award goes to HIMESH RESHAMIYYA.

Next we have an award for Best Lyricist.

And the award goes to JAIDEEP SAHNI for Dum Maaro Dum.

Ok, maybe your lyrics were meant to be avantgrade and revolutionary but, ‘Oonche se ooncha banda, potty pe baithe nanga’? Seriously?

Next up is the award for Best actor in comic role.

They award goes to TUSHAR KAPOOR for The Dirty Picture.

Wait a minute… What? He wasn’t comic in the movie? Ohh! I don’t know, you know… you see Tushar act and you feel you are watching slapstick!

And now we have the award for Best actor in negative role.

Ra.One was one movie which showed the world how a negative role can change the entire movie. Oh no! I’m not talking about Arjun Rampal (he was really good) but I m talking about Anubhav Sinha, the one who claims to have written the STORY for Ra.One, which was the real villain!

Moving on, it’s time for celebrating the life of luminaries for their outstanding contribution to Indian Cinema. It’s time for the Lifetime achievement award.

Actor. Dancer. Filmmaker. Beauty Queen of yesteryears. Million hearts skip a beat even today with just one glance at her. Was called ‘The dream girl’ during her days! Yes, you’ve guessed it right, I’m talking about none other than Hema Malini. And I request her to come and collect this award on behalf of her daughter and her worst production ever, Esha Deol. Esha, please gracefully accept it for the sake of humanity. The world can do without Tell Me Oh Khudas. And while you are at it, maybe you could convince your Deol brothers to participate in this noble cause as well (except Abhay though ;))

Coming to the Main Section of Awards.

First up is the award for Best Actor.

The nominees are –

-Shah Rukh Khan (Ra.One)

-Abhishek Bachchan (Dum Maaro Dum and Game. Yea! 2 movies! Shocking right?! And you thought all he did the whole year was sell his stupid ideas and make babies)

-Akshay Kumar (Desi Boyz, Patiala House, Thank You. Need any more reasons? No, thank you!)

-Imran Khan (Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. He got out of Break Ke Baad and walked straight into this movie, which he in turn walked into straight from I Hate Luv storys! Dude! Change your clothes at least!)

-Sanjay Dutt (Double Dhamaal and Chatur Singh Two Star. Both movies put together didn’t get 2 stars at the box office!)

And the award goes to,


For Mission Impossible 4. International movie with Tom Cruise and all! He was there for whole 3 minutes god-damn-it! Plus he had 2 lines to say as well! Isn’t that great! He made us want to forget that we are Indians. Quite a mission impossible!

Next, we have an award for Best Actress.

The nominations include –

-Deepika Padukone (Dum Maaro Dum. What? She just did one item song in the movie? Ohh! Well, that’s all that anybody remembers of the movie anyway!)

-Jacqueline Fernandez (Murder 2. Good attempt to murder us)

-Kangna Ranaut (Rascals. No comments)

-Nargis Fakhri (Rockstar. What the Fakh-ri!)

And the winner is

Well like father, like daughter!


For Thank You.

Sonam, THANK YOU! It is because of people like you, we reminisce and treasure yesteryear stars more!

Coming up next it the award for the Best Director.

Nominations are –

-Remo (F.A.L.T.U)

-Ram Gopal Varma (Not A Love Story)

-Anees Bazmee (Ready)

-Maneesh Sharma (Ladies v/s Ricky Bahl)

-Roshan Abbas (Always Kabhi Kabhi)

-Madhur Bhandarkar (Dil To Baccha Hai Ji)

The award goes to

NIKHIL ADVANI for Patiala House. I ca’nt believe that this guy is actually still making movies! Like Salaam-e-ishq and Chandni Chowk to China weren’t enough carnage!

And finally, the most coveted award, the award for Best Film.

This year’s Best Film nominees are

-Rockstar (They got the title wrong in the first place. Movie should have been called ‘Musician’ maybe)

-Force (It forced its way into Filmfail)

-Bodyguard (100 crores?! This movie made 100 crores?! :O)

-Game (This game had no spectators)

-Double Dhamaal (If Dhamaal was unbearable, imagine this. And beware; Dhamaal 3 is on the cards!)

And the winner is, lo and behold


Mr. SRK, had you spent at least half a day revisiting the story instead of shoving that movie up peoples asses, maybe it would have hurt everybody and you less. Seriously, what were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?!

You call it a treat for kids but it has the cheapest possible adult jokes. You say G-ONE is a super hero and he doesn’t do one heroic act. The only saving grace of the movie, Arjun Rampal has what, like 30 minutes of screen time?!  And noodles with curd?! Heights of disgust; forget stereotype!

Oh but you do have one credit for yourself. Finally the world has realized that there is something even Rajni can’t do – save your ass!

As always, we have a special award. And the award is called,

Newsmaker of the year.

This was the year of Sunny Leones, Poonam Pandeys and Veena Maliks; even Rakhi Sawant to a certain extent (remember? Her declaration of love to Baba Ramdev? Of course you do!). But one person stole the show. Like they say, big things come in small packages; this one was probably the smallest! I am talking about Aishwarya Rai’s foetus! Yea, quite a news maker that one was! Raced past Anna Hazare and the Indian Cricket Team!

That’s it for now 🙂 A small vote of thanks from my side. Thanks to all the winners, nominees and Shah Rukh Khan. If not for you guys, FilmFail wouldn’t have existed! Good bye and hope to see you guys again next year 😉

Making of Door Bell

October 28, 2010

(I’ve wanted to write about it for long but never got a chance. Now that Facebooked has happened and I should write about that as well, I think it is high time I write about my first experience of being in a movie before it erases out of my memory! This one is gonna be a long one as well, as I have realized that I cannot write short posts! :P)


This post technically deserves to be called “Experience of a lifetime”, the title of my first post as it WAS a once-in-lifetime experience. I mean I always wanted to make movies, be there and do this and that, but the whole experience of learning and also unlearning stuff was amazing.


The beginning, the spook and the shock

So this is how everything fell into place. We have a movie-making team in office; they call us for auditions, in fact select most of us from the auditions and form us into teams and ask us to make a 1 minute film. So we all come up with stories, share it with our team members, discuss. One story however catches all our attention just for the spookiness in it. We all decide to go ahead with that story (though I express my doubts that it might not fit in a minute, we are nevertheless very excited as the genre is different and difficult to attempt). However, the guy who wrote the story, Ankit is missing. None of us have ever seen him before! (It just added to the whole spookiness thing!). So anyways, the rest of us decide to attempt story boarding it. Biswa comes up with one first, and it looks really good. So we decide to make him the director and revisit the shots. Next problem (actually I realize now that others didn’t really think this was a problem except me!) is the cast. We need two girls. Biswa looks at Nibha and says, ‘I think she can be the spooky one, because she has that look!’ Nibha tries to disagree and look offended but she is shocked to know that everyone unanimously agrees with Biswa! 😛 Now comes the real shock. Next Biswa points towards me and he says, ‘I consider her as a very silent and soft person so I think she can play the spooked out one’ Now it is my turn to disagree – not about the soft and silent part (although I could disagree because I m neither soft nor silent!); it is the part where he says act. Again everybody is convinced. I try to tell people ‘Look, I can’t act’ but they just say, ‘Woh to hum dekhlenge’ and the matter is put to rest.


A Wednesday!

Then comes the storyboarding and pre-production part. We sit together in conference rooms, we discuss each shot, house layout (I actually drew Nibha’s house layout like an architect to help them understand better! :P) and come up with one draft. Now we go to the core team. This day deserves to be mentioned! I don’t know the date, but I do remember that it was a Wednesday (I’m sure even Biswa remembers that, despite his memory! :P); the day where our heads literally went for a toss. We meet them at 5.30 PM. Prabhu, Animesh and Ravi sit with us through it. Initially they are all excited. In time they turn super excited. And then, in no time they come up with amazing stuff just to add to the spookiness so much so that, Shripriya starts getting goose bumps by just listening to them! We have a whole discussion on whether Nibha’s character is to be interpreted as a ghost or not, the ending gets changed again and again, Nibha’s character gets spookier and spookier and Ravi is convinced that I am THE spooky person in reality, cos I come up with a whole lot of spooky ideas myself and also cos I have a broken cuckoo clock, broken mobile phone, a white dupatta which can be used for hanging oneself and so on! 😛 And then eventually more people join in, and along with them come more ideas. Finally at 9 in the night, (Biswa’s eyes were completely red by then BTW! :P) Biswa and me just stare at each other trying to recollect everything that happened and what all changes can be effectuated. Biswa just scratches his head and says ‘I have forgotten what our original story was now!’ We then just decide to take it up the next day and make only those changes whatever we really like.

(BTW during this whole time, we do try to rehearse once and Prabhu tells me that I m too theatrical. I am dazed. I try to tell my teammates again that I can’t act! But again, nobody cares. )


‘Dreaded Scene 1’

So we finish the storyboard. By now we are convinced the movie won’t come anywhere close to a minute, but we still decide to go ahead with the shoot. We visit Nibha’s house to do rehearsals. We start with the first scene of the movie where I enter the house looking sad and bored. I enact so badly that I just feel like running away from there! They are baffled when I say I cannot relate to the scene at all as I have never felt lonely! Of course, finally we decide to change the scene because our actress apparently cannot enact a scene where she cant relate to the emotional content of it. (I try to tell people that I am a ‘method actress’ and that I cannot enact something I cant relate to- just because I was acting badly :P) The rest of the scenes go fine (bad, but fine when compared to the ‘dreaded scene 1’). At the end of the day, I ask Biswa again if he is still confident that I can do justice to the role. He tells me (in his own sweet, inimitable way) ‘Well you are fine, except for scenes x, y and z. Don’t worry, you are doing it fine’ Some confidence. Back home, I make my brother sit and rehearse, taking tips from him. Another confidence booster.


Rehearsal Day 2

This day goes much better and both me and my diro feel more confident about my ability to act. We still haven’t decided how Nibha’s character dies and what her name is, cos we haven’t found a news paper with an appropriate news item which would help us use in our film. (Probably for the first time in my life, I was annoyed that there was no newspaper article about a girl committing suicide, or getting murdered, for atleast a month! Ironically, the day after we finished the shoot, a newspaper came up with the exact article we had been looking for!)


The D Day

Finally the ‘day’ arrives. I m nervous, excited, super nervous and super excited all at the same time 😛 I feel feverish as well. So I reach Nibha’s house and just settle down on the couch saying I have very little energy in me which I wont put to use until the shoot starts. Biswa gets a little worried and I tell him I will be fine. We start hunting for articles again, in vain. Finally we decide to go ahead with an obituary. We set the house, stick Nibha’s photograph in the newspaper and rehearse once again. Its noon by now and the core team is expected any moment. Somehow the excitement takes over and I start feeling better. Just as Biswa starts getting excited on hearing that I m feeling good, Nibha settles down on the bed telling that she is feeling feverish and tired somehow! We ask her to take rest till the core team arrives.


Core team arrives

They come at 5 PM with camera, tripod, lights and all the equipment. We tell them about the first sequence we plan to shoot and they ask us, ‘Have you blocked the shot?’ We are all looking disillusioned wondering what they are talking about. Then Leslie comes up with his quintessential ‘Babaa’ and asks us what the first action is, last action is and tells us to mark the points. We do as told and go for take-1, almost after half an hour. The first time I realize how tough it is to shoot a film. So many logistics! Lights being one of the major ones.  I finish the shot and Muthu raises his hand and says, ‘Ah, one thing, the light isn’t fine on her face and also, I couldn’t see any reaction which was supposed to come from her’ I freeze. My first take of the first shot of my first movie! I get all tense and my hands are cold. Ravi kinda eases me with his jokes and comments. And I get ready for take-2. This time I do it much better and we decide to go with it.


TOW they all clap

Next we shoot the scene where Divya enters her room and slams the door on my face. At the end of take 2, they are all very happy and start clapping! It feels really great. Poor Nibha is very tired as she had to carry the heavy luggage on her shoulders for so long! She goes to sleep and we decide to finish off all the scenes which didn’t have Nibha.


The best scene of the film

We decide to shoot the entry scene of Divya because Nibha is awake by now and feeling better. She had to look like she was drenched in the rain so she goes and pours water all over her with a running temperature of 102! Talk about dedication :P. This is the scene where I learnt how little things need to be added to make a shot look beautiful. We had earlier decided that I would already be at the door and as the shot starts I just open it. Prabhu suggests that I enter the frame and then open the door with little bit of my head still covering the left part of the frame after I open. Ultimately this scene turned out to be the best scene of the movie.


The deadline

It is 5, next day morning (Monday). Leslie comes to us and says, ‘Look, we haven’t slept for the past 48 hours. You still have 4 more shots to do and it’s already 5. Why don’t you guys wrap up and shoot it tomorrow? It is better not to shoot than do a bad shoot. Think about it and let us know’ We are shocked. We HAVE to finish the shoot no matter what. The reason being, there is a huge cultural event happening in Infy on Tuesday in which movies are being showcased including ours. So technically we have just a day to finish the post production part of it. So postponing the shoot was out of question. We have a talk, decide to discard one shot, request the core team to give us 45 minutes. We start the last leg of the shoot in full swing and finally finish it by 5:45 as promised. They are happy we kept up the promise. By 6:30 everybody leaves as we have to get to office as well in a few hours!


Post production

We sit in Deepak’s room for the editing. It is 4, three teams (including ours) waiting for Prabhu- the man who will help us finish what we have started. We select the best takes of all the shots. It is almost 8 by the time Prabhu becomes free. Me and Shripriya say good bye to them and leave for the day. Next day we talk to Prabhu and he says the editing has been done. They sat till 4 in the night doing the editing! We have a look and all of us get excited, looking forward for the movie to be shown on the big screen.


Show time

They play our movie!!!

In presence of greats like NRN and Kris!!!

AND people love it!!!

A packed audience of over 1000 people watches the movie and applauds! Feels wonderful! (Though they did laugh at a scene where they weren’t supposed to; I don’t blame them!) Friends, other team members, random people come and congratulate me on my acting! I message Nibha telling her what all she is missing and how many people are looking for her. Friends call me and tell me that people leaving the hall were yelling ‘Mamma mera haath jal gaya!’


And that’s a wrap

Our first attempt at making a movie was successful and I am not saying that this was the the most flawless or the best film ever made but  I m super happy to be a part of it! 🙂


P.S.: The mystery man Ankit who had been missing all this while finally turned up for our post-movie-success-team-meet, so we could tell that he actually existed! 😛



Link to the movie:

Filmfail is back! And back with a bang as they say. And we are back to celebrate year 2009. 2009, a year which wasn’t really the best for Hindi cinema with very few good releases – which, gives us all the more reason to celebrate 😉 😉

So, lets get the show started 🙂 🙂

Keeping up with the tradition let us start with the Technical awards

First up in this category is

Best Story –

Nominations are:
Delhi-6 (research is still on as to what the story actually was, but we still give a nomination for the effort)
Chandni Chowk to China (Seeta aur Geeta, Ram aur Shyam and now Sakhi and Suzy)
Aa dekhen zara (a unique story about a unique camera that can capture the future – sad they didn’t use the same camera to see their own future, but still, we appreciate the effort 😉 )
Raaz – the mystery continues (the story is still a mystery to me)
Kambakkt Ishq (Supermodel cum doctor! And people say heart attacks have increased!)

And the winner is

On the way from Europe to India by sea, the ship goes through Bahamas. Period.

Next we have

Best Editing –

The award for Best Editing goes to –

What’s your rashee.
No, no, don’t be mistaken. It is not for the actual editor of the movie, it is for the guy who posted the pirated version of the movie which I watched (yes, I admit it), which was just 2 and a half hours, which was devoid of all the songs and which made the movie bearable.

Coming up next is the award for

Best Choreography –

Naam mera Mango Dolly – Quick gun Murugun.
I mean I loved the movie but to see a busty oversized Rambha sizzle was something I didn’t ask for.

Up next is the award for

Best make up –

And the winner is

Dil bole hadippa
Did you know that the skinny Punjabi guy Veer was actually Rani Mukherji?! I didn’t know that!

Let us now move on to the Music Awards

Since we didn’t have a Best Playback Singer Female category last year, many women’s association raised an objection. So this time we will felicitate only female singers.

Best Playback singer Female –

So, the winner for Best Playback Singer Female is

Alisha Chinai (Bebo mein bebo from Kambakkht Ishq)
I don’t think I need to give an explanation why she gets the award. If you do need one, then please listen to the song once.

Best Lyricist –

The winner is –

Subrat Sinha for Mann ka radio bajne de zara (Radio)

Mann ka radio bajne de zara
Gham ko bhoolkar jee le tu zara
Station koi naya tune karle zara
Fultu attitude de de tu zara

And to top it, it’s in the voice of the wone and wonely Himesh!

Best Music Director –

And the award goes to –

Anu Malik (Kambakkt Ishq)
He comes back after years and years of squalling on the so called upcoming idols of the country and delivers this! I never in my life thought I would say this, but dude, you are better off on TV. (Pun intended)

Lets now move on and welcome new talent.

Most Promising Debutant Male –

Not many new comers did the promising part in the year 2009. However there were a couple of them who promised and promised a LOT! The award for most promising debutant male goes to

Jackey Bhagnani (Kal kisne dekha)

I mean, let’s have a look at the promises. Son of a big shot producer. Widely promoted by the likes of SRK and Abhishek Bachchan. Touted as the teenage dancing sensation. A film that even started with the famed letter ‘K’. A college romance cum action thriller. Shot in beautiful locales. What more promises would you need? Talent? What’s that?!

Most Promising Debutant Female –

And the winner is –

Rani Mukherjee! Don’t be shocked, but then she deserves a new comer award as she came back with a new kamar 😛 Ok bad joke I agree, but I’d say, see the movie Dil bole hadippa first, you might actually find my joke funny!

Jokes apart, the award for most promising debutant female goes to

Nausheen Ali Sardar

Haven’t heard of her? She starred in the movie ‘Three- Love, Lies and Betrayal’. Haven’t heard of that either? Well, that’s why she deserves the award 😉

Unfortunately this year we don’t have the category of Best actor in a comic role/negative role cos nobody was as negative or as comic or comically negative to be rewarded.

Anyway, not to be let down by that, let us move on to the next category which is

Best supporting actor (Male/Female)–

We really don’t have a separate award for supporting actor female (women’s federation can take a chill pill) because there is one man who stands out completely.

So the award for Best Supporting Actor goes to

Sohail Khan

This guy is something else man. Every single movie he has acted in the past couple of years has been a supporting role. I say he should be declared as the official supporting actor of Bollywood!

Before we move on to the main section of awards, we have a special award. An award for a person who has made an outstanding contribution to Hindi Cinema. Ladies and gentlemen, next up is the

Lifetime achievement award –

Without much ado, the award goes to

Akshay Kumar

Four BIG budget releases in one year. Two of them touted to bridge the gap between Bollywood and Hollywood. The third, one of the costliest films ever made in Bollywood.
All four of them were considered among the dumbest stories ever! All four of them turned out to be few of the biggest flops of the year. The fifth one, was directed by one of the most noted directors in Hindi Cinema. And needless to say even that movie went for a toss. It is not easy to achieve such a feat in a single year. It makes Kumar all the more worthy of the Lifetime Achievement award. He has had enough flops in a year to last a lifetime.

And now, its time for the main section of awards

First up is the award for

Best director –

The nominations are

Anthony D’souza (Blue)
Rumi Jafrey (Life Partner)
Soham Shah (Luck)
Nikhil Advani (Chandni Chowk to China)
Anurag Singh (Dil bole hadippa)

And the winner is

Sabir Khan (Kambakkht Ishq)

I have a very small message for you Mr. Khan. Next time, whenever in you life you dare to attempt making a movie again, please do consider keeping a story in mind. Trust me, a lot of stories have made wonders. You really don’t need a Sylvester Stallone or Denise Richards or a bikini clad Kareena Kapoor to make the movie run. Certainly not 100 crores.

Next we have the award for

Best film –

Nominations are

Agyaat (the story of the movie is quite true to its name – missing)
Dil bole hadippa (a perfect example of ‘An empty mind is a devil’s workshop’. With lack of money and ideas, this is the max Yashraj could have come up with)
Vaada raha (What? Haven’t heard of the movie? Welcome to filmfail!)
Do knot disturb (a “comedy” about a husband trying to hide his extra marital affairs from his shak se bhari wife – very unusual story, very filmfaily)
Chandni Chowk to China (first hindi film by Warner Bros Pictures. What a pity.)
London Dreams (would have been a major hit if it was made in the 90’s. Bad timing is all I can say)

And the award goes to

Kambakkht Ishq

Similar message as above to the producers. Pleease, for heavens sake, stop bringing Hollywood to Bollywood through such movies. Its high time we saw some maturity in the way we look at cinema.

Coming up the award for the

Best actress –

Well, we don’t have any nominations in this category. There is a straight winner. And it is

Deepika Padukone for Love Aaj Kal

With blank expressions and mugged lines, she has the capability to make any interesting/humorous scene look bland. She pretty well succeeded in it also.

And now, we have the award for

Best actor –

Nominations are:

Akshay Kumar (of course)
Sanjay Dutt (Blue)
Govinda (Life Partner, Do Knot Disturb)

And the winner is

Ajay Devgan for London Dreams

He plays a “rockstar” in the movie!! A rockstar who swirls one hand pointing in the air and jumping from one leg to another singing Barso barso yaaro. I mean, not that he can’t be a rockstar but seriously he did not look like one in the movie. He looked more rockstarry in All the Best.

We have a couple of special awards. A recognition of special talent hidden in the industry. When we look at the grass root level we see that there are so many things worth mentioning but they don’t get their due in the larger scheme of things. However, we at filmfail have always looked for those things and reward them.

The first award in this section is

Best dialogue –

Yea, we have handpicked one particular dialogue out of all the movies of 2009 that really stood out and made a difference.

And the award goes to

What’s your relationship status? It’s complicated. (Radio)

We have a chubby smiling Shehnaaz with battling eye lashes who in a very blondie-ish way quacks, ‘What’s your relationship status?’ And almost immediately, as if in a pre-rehearsed way Himesh turns and replied ‘Its complicated’. AND the producers actually thought, actually thought that they could promote the movie on this line!

Bravery award –

He was last heard in Heyy Baby (2007). After that one really doesn’t remember the movies he made in 2008. In 2009, he had FOUR releases! Yea, if you don’t believe it here’s the list – Jai Veeru, Life Partner, Acid Factory and All the best. If you still haven’t got whom I am talking about, its Fardeen Khan. Remember? It really needs a lot of gut to actually face the camera even though people say on the face that they don’t wanna see you anymore.

Therefore, the Bravery Award goes to –
No not Fardeen Khan but to the filmmakers who actually cast him in their movie! For taking such a risk, you really need to be brave!

Best cameo award –

The award goes to

Irrfan Khan (Billu)

If some of you are still wondering, yes he was a part of the movie. In fact he was the lead and SRK was just a supporting actor (shocking, I know!) He gets this award for being conspicuously absent from the promos. That was quite a cameo.

Best comeback award –

The winner is

Viveik oberoi for Kurbaan
After a dud in 2008 (Mission Istanbul) he came back in 2009 with Kurbaan. And he came back with a very fake anglicized accent. And that, was the most irritating part of the movie.

Best Controversy award –

The nominations for best Controversy award are –
Ashutosh Gowarikar – for bashing up the hosts in an award ceremony for making fun of people from the industry (and the award ceremony I m talking about was not filmfail, just for the record)

Ashutosh Gowarikar – again, for questioning the jury’s decision, in yet another award ceremony (YAAC) for giving the best actress award to Priyanka Chopra when Aishwarya Rai was nominated (for Jodha Akbar)

Kareena Kapoor – for announcing in YAAC that she was hurt Imtiaz Ali did not cast her again in his next movie

Saif Ali Khan – for saying that he was initially offered Kaminey by Vishal Baradwaj and he rejected the offer and later admitting that he had lied!

Akshay Kumar – (how many nominations for this guy!) for making his wife unbutton his pants on the ramp in front of the public eye and hoards and hoards of media ppl!

Shiney Ahuja – for the infamous and now almost forgetten rape case

And the award goes to

Rakhi Sawant!

And she gets this award cos, apart from her swayamwar on TV and the on-off between she and her fiancée she wasn’t really a part of any controversy. That’s an achievement man! So she gets the award. She needs to change her PR big time. Not in news for a long time could be dangerous to her health 😉

And with this, we come to the end of the show. Hope you all had a good time, cos we did. See you guys in 2010. Till then good bye and take care 🙂

contd from below

December 12, 2009

God, I feel like such a gawar! I open my orkut account after two weeks and there s this whole new version of it on the lines of facebook and i m lost. Not being on facebook would hurt my orkut usage was something I didnt think of!

And just now my friend tells me, there is an option to switch to the older version. And i feel more like a gawar now!

Been a reaaaally long time since I made a post in here, but have been away from home for almost 5 months and have been net deprived, atleast blogging and social networking deprived thanks to my company’s policies! Anyway I just hope to be around for a longer time and try to post something interesting whenever I get the time.

So many things have happened in the past few months, and have been so fast paced that I wonder if I will be able to write about ALL of them! But to say the least I ll say that I ve been having fun all along 🙂

Oh, but I have to mention the trip I had been to, two weeks ago. A place called Kannur in Kerala coastline. Awesome place it was! And the trip too, the perfect break we could ve asked for after a stressful 4 months! I ll give the entire account of the trip some other time, but will just mention that the beach was awesome and we had amazing fun 🙂 We had booked for a beach house facing Payyambalam beach. It’s a virgin beach of sorts with not many people around, just the thing we wanted – an entire beach just for us. I don’t even have to mention the amount of fun we had. There s a fort and a drive in beach as well (it’s supposedly second largest drive in beach). I would suggest a visit this place atleast once 🙂 It’s really worth it.

That’s it from me as of now, well what can i say, I have come back! 😛

The FILMFAIL Awards 2008

January 4, 2009


Year 2008. A year that gave us quite a lot of good films, some of them setting new trends in filmmaking. A year that produced a lot of new comers who made their presence felt in the industry. It was also a year that had many mind blowing movies made by some amazingly talented people but unfortunately they went unrecognized and were unduly criticized. Today we are going to celebrate those underrated movies that duly need to be recognized.

So lets get on with our FILMFAIL Awards 2008!

First up is the Technical Awards.

First award is for Best Story. The nominations are


-Kismet Konnection

-Golmaal Returns

And the award goes to


Hats off to the director and writer Anees Bazmi for writing such a heart wrenching story with such amazing comedy. I really wonder how the hell could he have had three consecutive hit movies – No Entry, Welcome and this. Anyways, moving on

We also have a special award for Best Original Story.

The award goes to


Next is the award for Best Choreography

The award goes to

LUCKY BOY – Bachna Ae Haseeno

Well, I don’t really want to say anything about this so lets just move on.

Award for Best Special Effects

The Winner is


The makers definitely deserve an award for using state-of-the-art graphics and special effects that made an already brilliant movie even more enjoyable.

Award for the Best Background Music

The award goes to


No surprises here. The only thing that tried to scare us was the background score. So they deserve an award for this.

Next, the award for the Best Action

Without much ado, the award goes to


The award is given only for the Akshay Kumar entry scene. Simply the best.

Award for Best Costume Design

We even have nominations for this award. They are

-Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic (Rani’s costumes)

-Kidnap (For whatever little Minisha wore)

-Love Story 2050 (Only for the aliens, for nothing else)

The award goes to


Well, it had to get one. C’mon, a Super Hero in a Sherwani is such a unique idea! Award-winning idea!

Let us now move on with the Music Awards.

First up is the award for Best Playback Singer.

The award goes to, without any nominations, without any categories of male/female –


Obviously guys, he deserves it! Tandoori Nights, Lut Jau, Hurry Om… oh and the much hyped Ek Haseena Thi – the only song which he apparently hasn’t sung from his nose (which however didn’t sound any different to us) See, he deserves it.

Best Lyrics

The award goes to


What stupendous lyrics! Zara zara touch me touch me zara zara kiss me kiss me – Bravo!

Best Music


Well, there was competition I must say. But Drona takes away all the glory. Especially that Oop oop cha song takes the credit.

Let us now accolade the new comers who try to make their mark in the previous year.

Most Promising Debutant Male

This is tough. Really tough. So I ve decided we ll have two of them.

The first award goes to (I m sure most of you would ve guessed by now)


for emulating Hrithik in every which way (except of course acting, unfortunately)

The next award goes to


He deserves one simply because he thinks being Mithun’s son is sufficient to get one. Also for being a part of one of the most forgettable films of the year – Jimmy.

Most Promising Debutant Female

The Winner is


Sadly, this damsel was “promised” the most amazing debut in an astonishingly brilliant movie called Mission Istanbul. She gets one simply for her sheer belief that this was going to be her big break in Hindi cinema.

And now, we have a special award. This award is for the most stylish person of 2008. this award is for those actors, who with their wonderful dressing sense, made their style statement.

We call it, The Style Icon 2008

The award goes to


For giving the world the most incredible style tip. Cut your hair short to make you look younger (I mean thinner). So why exercise, work out and all that hard work to attain size 0, just go chop em off!

Next we have an award for Best Actor in a Comic Role

The award goes to


If you haven’t got it, she s the black magic lady who keeps laughing menacingly all through the movie which made us laugh on what we actually were supposed to get scared!

Best Actor in a Negative Role

The winner is

SAIF ALI KHAN – no – AKSHAYEE KHANNA – no – ANIL KAPOOR – no – BIPASHA BASU – no – KATRINA KAIF. Oh God this is so confusing, no one knows who played the negative role! So, lets just give the award to the movie itself – RACE!

Now its time for us to celebrate a filmmaker for his Outstanding Contribution to Indian Cinema. Its time for the Lifetime Achievement award.

And the award goes to


He so needs this award. So please Mr. RGV, accept this award and start making plans for your retirement. We promise you we will not miss your movies.

Lets move on to the main section.

The first award is for the Best Film.

The nominations are –


-God Tussi Great Ho


-Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic


-Golmaal Returns

And the winner is


The reasons for giving the award are

-Its produced under Yashraj Banner (and they paid me but that’s not the reason, no)

-Its directed by Jughal Hansraj (this was his last resort – from hero to side hero to cameo to now romeo)

-It is meant for kids (we have a soft corner for such movies you know)

-and finally, it has for its credit the worst opening ever for any Yashraj movies.

So we have to give an award!

Hmm, moving on

Best Director Award

The nominations are

-Anees Bazmi (Singh is Kinng)

-Ganesh Acharya (Money Hai To Honey Hai)

-Vijay Krishna Acharya (Tashan)

-Goldie Behl (Drona)

The award goes to

HARRY BAWEJA for Love Story 2050

He is actually writing a book – How to Launch your (not-so-talented) Son (alternatively called – How to Lose Big Buck). A must buy. And a must award.

Best Actor Female

Nomiantions –

-Rani Mukherjee (Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic)

-Ayesha Takia (Sunday, De Taali)

-Priyanka Chopra (the list is too long, but 4 flops, 2 hits)

The award goes to


She simply gets an award for being a part of 4 big budget movies, with two of them being hits (Race and Singh is Kinng), for making more money than any other actress even without acting. Kudos to her. That’s a rare talent really.

And now finally,

Best Actor Male

The nominations are

-Himesh Reshammiya (Karzzz)

-Abhishek Bachchan (Drona)

-Viveik Oberoi (Mission Istanbul)

The Winner is

GOVINDA for Money Hai To Honey Hai.

He apparently plays a 20-something guy in the movie. Now you know why he wins the best actor award right?

Before I sign off, we have a special award this year for the Most Outstanding Blog of the Year. This award was constituted especially because our fraternity has got into this new trend of blogging, and we reward new trends. So, the award for the Most Outstanding Blog of the Year goes to, no surprises here

Aamir Khan and his kutta blog!

And since Aamir doesn’t believe in awards we would like his kutta Shahrukh to receive the award on his behalf.

Its time for me to sign off here. Thank you everyone. See you next year. Chao.

-you start reading the newspaper from the first page right till the end (ads and business section included) and solve all the crosswords, jumbles and su-do-kus

-you learn the name and even the spelling of the director of Ghajini (because that s the concentration you show while watching the promos and also cos of the number of times they are being aired!)

-you start playing games on your cell, something you haven’t done  ever since your bought it

-you start getting new ideas to post on your blog (which has been idle from past six months, when you last had exams)

-you start reading everyone else’ s post (starting from AB to Aamir to a friend you haven spoken to in ages)

-you suddenly realize the importance of the existence of GOD

-you start watching serials and even their reruns

-you start getting radical thoughts on how the whole purpose of having exams is so obsolete and how you could reform the system

-after every half an hour you get a call – from nature!

-you start answering all your customer care calls

-you get more fwds (mostly on exams/VTU/engg) from your friends than ever before!

-and you actually forward those msgs to other friends!

-all your favorite movies start getting aired on every damn channel (and obviously you cant watch them)

-you get emotional and emotionless at the same time

-jan 1st reminds you of C# (or any other subject relative to your field) and nothing else, not even that s it’s the beginning of the new year

-your working sheet/s turn a master piece; they are filled with your name in every possible font and/or your doodling

-you discover new things about your cell phone, learn all the features and even type msgs in Hindi

-nobody cares to wish you on Christmas!

-even frustration becomes contagious

-you spend more time planning what to study than actually doing it

-your friends freak out when you tell them you updated your blog with a new post

-you get irrational of doubts and actually call up your friend to get them clarified!

-you finally realize its time to shut up and study because your friend doesn’t seem to entertain your doubts